January 2010
36 posts
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I will not miss 2009.
whiskeyandgoatsmilk:
When the ball drops, I will grab my crotch with one hand, shove my middle finger up towards the heavens and scream “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE HIGHLANDER” because I survived 2009 and 2009 didn’t survive me.
December 2009
41 posts
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Last day of 2009
Drink it in, you guys.
just wanna do dis all day
redsuspenders:
I do not understand. →
Why has there not been a meme for this yet?
“I’m saying ‘Fuck 2009,’ not ‘Happy New Year.’”
– Blaire (via molls)
I forgot everything I never learned in religious...
Mom: [says something about a Christmas miracle]
Me: PRAISE JESUS! HE IS RISEN!
Mom: That's Easter.
Me: HE IS FALLEN!
Mom: No.
Me: Oh.
I think the reason that I like "I Am Legend" so...
sparkleneelysparkle:
He was saving that bacon, you guys. He was SAVING IT.
I get those feelings.
Had a vivid dream about being with Sparo.
It was great until the awkward feeling afterward when I realized that maybe it was time to quit Tumblr for good.
But then I thought LOL um, how bout no and went back to sleep.
Christmas Riddle?
A couple of years ago, someone who I hadn’t spoken to in a while unexpectedly gave me a Christmas card that simply said:
"' NOT LAWS APPLY OF TO CHRISTMAS THE AND '"
I never really knew what it meant but I’m guessing SQL plays a part into deciphering...
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COLLEGEBOARD, I AM DONE WITH YOUR SHIT.
AWAY WITH YOU.
Plans for winter break:
newwavves:
Avatard
New Moon
Fuck Bitches
Get Paid Money
I feel like people are sexiest when they're either...
sade:
Everything in between is just “enh.”
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God damnit, Facebook.
wipethatfaceoffyourhead:
Sometimes you just piss me off.
You’re always like:
“Some idiot posted some shit he thought was funny on your page”
or
“This bitch was tagged in some stupid fucking album about caring about shit.”
or
“Dickbreath so-and-so is a fan of cheesy-doodles”
Like, why would I give a fuck, FB? Why?
It’a been a long day.
“You know what we call Bud Light? Sex in a canoe. Cause it’s fucking close...”
– Henry
Henry: I am fully convinced there is no God: http://www.nationalpost.com/m/story.html?id=2330688&s=Home&p=3 Helen: Are you kidding me. Henry: I… I don’t know Henry: I only read the first few paragraphs and closed the window. Henry: Because I couldn’t handle it. Henry: I just couldn’t handle the truth.
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Future job interview:
Interviewer: Thank you for coming in today.
Me: Thank you for having me.
Interviewer: I'm just going to be honest, nothing about your resume really stands out. . . Your GPA is lackluster. . .
Me: Can I defend that?
Interviewer: Sure.
Me: Okay, it's like this. College was basically me paying someone to make me do work. They made me buy all the books, write all the papers, and do all the presentations, all in exchange for grabbing me by my ankles and shaking me upside down until my bank account was empty.
Interviewer: Ummm...
Me: If I can produce B average work with absolutely zero motivation, just imagine what I would be capable of if someone like you would actually pay me.
Interviewer: (Slides everything off desk) FUCK ME NOW.
“Fuck you. All of you.”
– Mother Nature right now.
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Henry: OH. I SEE YOUR PROFILE IS A PICTURE FROM THE CONCERT.
Henry: THE CONCERT WE WENT TO.
Henry: THE CONCERT WHERE MY PICTURE WAS ALSO TAKEN.
Henry: WHERE MY PICTURES AT.
Henry: WHERE ARE THEY.
Henry: WHERE ARE MY PICTURES.
Helen: -informs him about the crime scene that was within near proximity-
Henry: OMFUCK.
Henry: AND THERE'S ABOUT TO BE ONE MORE DEAD BODY.
Henry: IF I DON'T GET MY TALLY HALL PICTURES.
Henry: IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
I don't even want a dislike button on Facebook. I...
mykicks:
I would wear that fucker out.
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